


the light of your halo.

by hidlaw



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Character Death, M/M, One Shot, POV First Person, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:09:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23926681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidlaw/pseuds/hidlaw
Summary: Being in love with Roman is a sweet and terrible thing.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	the light of your halo.

I don’t have to turn around to know that Roman is smiling. I feel it against my skin, see that beautiful curve of his lips so vividly already. A familiar warmth spreads in my chest the moment Roman’s arms tighten around me, his voice sweet, thick with sleep. “Good morning.”

I turn around because it’s impossible not to. There’s a pull that Roman has, stronger than gravity, and I’m completely helpless to it.

Roman smiles, lazy and sweet. His hair is tousled, a quiet light in his eyes, and everything around us is gentle. It’s 7 AM on a Friday and none of us are really in a hurry. The sun is beginning to seep in and it casts a soft glow over him. With the white sheets around, he looks like an angel. My angel.

“Why do you always look like a mess in the morning?” I mumble, teasing.

It’s easier to tease him. I smile, he snorts, and then proceeds to tell me that I’m dead wrong and that he’s the most handsome man alive, with perfect hair, and how one flex of his muscles will have me swooning for him. As if I don’t know that.

So, yeah, it’s a lot easier. Much easier than telling him just how beautiful his smile is to me, or how he makes my heart full with that warm look reserved for me, or how he makes me the luckiest man alive by choosing me every day.

(He does exactly that, plus a slight jab to the bags under my eyes, which he soothes with a kiss on the forehead. I watch him get up and disappear into the kitchen, already humming and muttering his lines for his next play, and I’m left with warm content in my stomach.)

* * *

We watched The Silenced yesterday and gave him a good dose of nightmares, so it’s only fair I watch Tangled with him again. Roman has probably memorized the entire movie by now but it gets him in a good mood and that’s all that matters. A lot of Disney movies get him in a good mood, whether he tears it down with his critiques or insists of its flawlessness. Listening to him either rant or gush has become a favorite of mine.

“You’ve seen this a million times already.” I muse, watching Rapunzel and Eugene bicker in front of us. Roman hums at the most obvious statement I’ve said all day. “And you never get tired?” I add.

“No.” He gives my hand a squeeze, not taking his eyes off the screen. “I like happy endings and one day, I’ll have mine.”

I hum absently; lulled by the movie in the background and the way his hair feels between my fingertips. If there is anyone who deserves a happy ending, it would be Roman.

He catches my other hand in his hair and a pure, playful gleam appears in his eyes. Roman clasps his hands together and starts to sing. “Flower, gleam and glow. Let your power shine!”

It takes a lot in me not to burst out giggling.

* * *

“You’re gonna regret not marrying me.”

We’re in bed again on a lazy Sunday. There’s an overcast sky hanging above us but the sun keeps on stubbornly poking through the gray clouds. It’s like the sky can’t decide what it wants. The sunlight that filters through the bedroom is weak and watery, but the bed is warm with the two of us refusing to get up. No one can blame us, not when we have everything we need right there.

I smirk at that, gaze trained on the cloudy sky. “Why are you always in a rush?”

A hand slowly drags itself up my side and I shiver at the trail he traces there. I turn around and meet smiling eyes. “What’s the hold back?” Roman teases with warmth. “I love you. I don’t see myself with anyone else and I refuse to. Plus we’d make a really hot internet couple.”

I laugh and it makes him perk up.

“Think about it! I can cook for us because you’re shit at that, but that’s fine. I’ll go to concerts with you. I can take you on dates. We can even get a dog. I’m a real dog dad. Maybe we’ll fight over the speakers from time to time but other than that, we’re good. I’m a total catch, Virge. Why not rush with me?”

He’s teasing, yes, but I know he means it deep down. He just doesn’t want to freak me out. Roman’s good to me like that.

He’s so sure of me. Every day he shows it. It’s overwhelming sometimes to see the person you love want you back ten folds. Not a single day does it falter. Not a single day do I ever doubt him wanting me.

And I’m sure of him too. Dear god, I’ve never been this sure of anybody. There’s always that thought in the back of my mind that maybe he’s not real, that maybe one day the universe realizes that it made a mistake and that Roman shouldn’t be with me after all, that maybe he’ll disappear one day. Just the thought of that makes me want to do everything I can to keep him.

I could say yes. But I can’t bring myself to do that. Maybe I want to be good to him too and I’m just not there yet.

I start to straddle him, relishing in the warmth of the contact, and lean down, giving him slow kisses on his neck. There’s a spot there that I really like, made obvious with the fading marks I put, and my lips gravitate to it. Roman trembles slightly and I feel his hands run up my bare back. “Ask me another day.”

I don’t need to look up to know that he’s smiling.

* * *

“Virgil, baby,” It’s ridiculous how that still manages to make my heart flutter. Five years and it’s still the same. I can hear the smile in his voice.

“Roman, would you hurry up?” Although it doesn’t stop the crankiness in my voice.

A whine and then raucous laughter behind him. Must be a good show. “We’re wrapping up, my love! I’m sorry I’m late.”

“I know, but just get here. I really don’t want to go caroling with Patton and Logan alone.” Spending time with our friends is fine. Singing in front of strangers’ houses? Not so much.

“Give me a kiss?”

“When you get here.” Now I know he hears the smile in my voice.

The sound of triumph in his tells me that he does. “Yes, I’ll be right over.” His voice turns a touch soft and it makes me blush. He probably has that warm look in his eyes again. “I love you.”

My heart is ridiculously full. “I love you too.”

* * *

I dislike December.

It’s bright and loud and obnoxious.

In true fashion, Roman loves it. He likes the Christmas songs, the sweaters, the caroling, and the gifts. It’s why he was rushing home in the first place.

He also likes decorating the apartment with the tree and the lights. As if we don’t get enough lights. Whenever I step outside, it’s full of lights. Big flashing lights. All neon and fake. They light up entire streets and entire stores. I don’t particularly like the red and blue ones flashing in my face. They make me anxious, especially when they were going in the same direction I was when I decided to pick up Roman.

And the noise. It’s so loud and it’s everywhere. Not a single shop where there isn’t any holiday song playing. Billboards full of nothing but Christmas sales. Then footsteps rushing on pavement. Sounds of a crowd gathering. Murmurs, curious murmurs. The sirens keep on wailing.

More footsteps but on tiled floors this time, rushed. Lots of beeping. Some sobs, ragged breaths. Murmured prayers unheard. Then the beeping stops, replaced with a loud ringing that I can’t get out of my head.

And it’s cold. Everything is so cold in December.

* * *

It’s another sunny day out. Not the piercing hot kind. The perfect one where you let the sun touch you and you can’t really complain. I don’t really care much for sunny days, that’s more of Roman’s thing. He’d like this weather.

The weather’s the last thing on my mind though. Actually, I’ve been trying to ignore it. It’s the one thing I don’t like.

Because it’s beautiful and perfect and it reminds me of Roman.

It reminds me of his stupid smile and his warm laugh. His stupid eyes that are always so kind and full of zeal and life. His stupid voice that calms me down when nothing else will. Those strong arms that hide me away when things get too much. Those lips peppering all over my face because he’s touchy like that, and finally on my lips, because by then both of us are aching for one and it’s the only way we get to breathe after. My Roman.

My Roman who laughs the loudest and dreams the most, who has the best comebacks and has the biggest heart. The one who cries the hardest in films and whoops the loudest when he’s on top of the word, who falls when he’s tired and gets back up when he’s ready.

My Roman who’s cold and still, bruised and crushed on impact from the asphalt road or the car that sped too much. The one who just wanted to come home.

The very same Roman who left too quickly and didn’t let me say goodbye.

The bed is warm but it’s not the same. I sit on the edge facing the large window. Maybe if I sit still everything will stop and I’ll feel those familiar arms around me or hear a snarky nickname thrown my way.

The room remains quiet.

I look outside and the sun brightens, the watery sunlight turning everything into gold. It reaches me and touches my face, gentle. If I close my eyes, it’s almost a kiss.

But I think of him instead and everything burns. I am undone.

I don’t remember whatever falls from my lips except that it’s loud and raw. Wails, mostly. Everything is trying to claw their way out of my chest that I can barely breathe. Curses, apologies, pleas. More pleas. I want him back.

The pillows take in most of it, at times my fist when I bite into it just to try and make it all _stop._ Nothing works. The world continues to move on without me, without Roman. Everything is heavy and broken and nothing will bring him back.

The things that I do hear myself say is that I loved him and that I love him still, and that I’m sorry for the world being this cruel and not giving him the happy ending he always dreamed of.

I don’t know how long I stay in that bed, only that it’s night now and I don’t bother getting up to turn on the lights. The wails turned to sobs, then trembles, and then nothing.

The silence falls, and after it falls, it never lifts again.


End file.
